June 2012
Tim Burton should just make a movie called ‘Johnny Depp’.
plot twist: Johnny Depp is played by Helena Bonham Carter
May 2012
2 tags
don’t fall in love with me yet
we’ve only recently met
true, i’m in love with you,
but you might decide i’m a nut.
it’s weird, I only knew you a month but I still think of you almost every day. Plain and simple: I was fond of you.
I hope you’re doing well.
no but in all seriousness
i do have time for that. a grilled cheese can be so great with a few added things. (lots of jalapenos please)
7 tags
Bay to Breakers was AMAZING!! I saw so many awesome costumes, so much dick (some really scary ass huge ones too), and people absolutely went nuts for our uniforms. I think people believed them to be costumes but little did they know that some of us had to go to work later that day! If I could count how many times people said, “FUCK YES, HOT DOG ON A STICK I LOVE YOU” I’d probably...
Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
I took crystal out to dinner tonight at the Beast and the Hare and we drank there and we then had bi-rite and then we went to two bars and then we danced to 90s dance music and i had a scotch and soda because scott (not scotch) said that i need to try scotch but i don’t know if i’m for it too much, i think i’ll stick to whiskey and beer and then the 90s dance music was so loud...
2 tags
